Posted by moonsover on 12:34 AM

Janet Jackson and I have a ton in common. If you've met me, it's pretty obvious. Though ignominious, one such parallel is the reason for our weight gain. What can I say? We're committed to our craft. Now, as difficult as it was and will be for Janet and me, respectively, to reduce the poundage (which, frankly, is the theme of this reluctant weblog), the real tragedy is that we never got to play the roles we so desperately ate for. And let me tell you, nothing cuts this method actor deeper than losing a part to a guy in a fat suit. Thanks a lot Ryan Reynolds.

Ok, so I'm not officially an "actor."  You know how it is - no guild card.  (Not even much calamitous intent, for that matter.)  But, I am out of work, so I've taken to telling people that I'm in the thespian business.  It's a convenient response, it seems to legitimize my lack of employment, all while allowing people to maintain as much or as little a feeling of superiority as they choose.  Now, interestingly and awesomely, the very act of telling people that I'm a actor actually transforms me into an actor.  And, since I don't get paid for this acting, I have also become an actor who is (twice-over) out of work.  It's not fancy, but it might be the most enjoyable cognitive loop I've ever been a part of.  It kinda makes me feel like Rumplestilzkin.

You know, Ryan Reynolds is one of those unique artists whom I like more than their performances actually merit.  I'm pretty sure I even like him more than what what I perceive to be his personality deserves.  (Yes, that was a double "what."  A whatwhat.  What's a weird word.  Now I can't stop pronouncing "what" like "phat.")  Which means, Ryan Reynolds is an even more inexplicable manifestation of my out of balance fanhood than my other object of out of balance affection, Gwen Stefani.

Oddly, not only do I like both of these entertainers more than I like their entertainment (and, trust me, it's not like I hate their goods, that would be B-A-N-A-N-A-S), I think I might like them both as much as I do ... because of their hair.  As Mrs. Jenny Sherpa can attest, I have a weakness for pink hair and pig tails.  Put them together and you might as well have shown me a monkey riding a dog, because, man, I'm sold.  But with the artist formerly known as Mr. Alanis Morrisette-To-Be, sure, he has a good head of hair, and, absolutely, by the time this blog ends, I'd love to have a physique like his, but mostly I think I'm man-crushing on his beard.  If I could grow a fierce beard like this I would be unstoppable.  

Then again, it's like the Chinese always say:  "He who would array himself in a suit of fat is not beneath donning a beard of yak."  So who knows, maybe it's prosthetic.

Coming Soon:  Why I'm now mad at this guy for stealing my movie role and something about blogging.



Gunderstruck! said...

Excellent work here for your inaugural post. It's about time, I have to say. The anticipation has been building for weeks and you did not disappoint.

Now, does Jenny know that Ryan Reynolds is engaged to Scarlett Johanssen? I'm pretty sure that's the word on the street.

Besides the weight gain, what else do you and Miss Jackson have in common? Prime-time nipple slips b/c of Justin Timberlake? Can you please elaborate?!?!